Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
