I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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