Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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