Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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