Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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