She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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