If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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