I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
