Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
