I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i will never coherently bang her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
