Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize