The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
