whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
