wake up i wanna do it froggy style
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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