Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
