it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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