it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
