i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
