Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
