You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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