My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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