i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
