I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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