my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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