how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
