Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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