this beer tastes like vomit already
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
