I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
