is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
