lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
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you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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