He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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