I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Someone signed my nipple.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
