Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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