new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
