I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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