Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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