I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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