im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
