She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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