i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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