It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
