If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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