She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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