Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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