no, he came in my armpit
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
