Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
