God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
