at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
