weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
