I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
