She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
