yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
