I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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