Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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