I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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