She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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