Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You dont lie about slip and slides
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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