so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
