When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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