I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
