Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
