Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My brain says no but my pants say off.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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