i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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