Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
