I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
