One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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