Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
