I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
